jackturley

Q: Me and my recent ex had been together for the past two and a half years and have lived together the whole time. With the economy down I have been struggling to find work while she was struggling to find hours at her job and recently took a second job. I know that my lack of work was making her resentful towards me but we were always open and honest about it and discussed ways I could find work.

Outside of that our relationship was almost perfect. We were very close and affectionate and she is my best friend. About two weeks ago she gave me an ultimatum, Get a job in two weeks or I am leaving you. I tried as I always did and she never left. Then two weeks ago I caught her kissing another guy we met together 1 week earlier with the intent to go much farther. He left we talked and it looked as though we might be able to salvage things as I try to be open and understanding. But then two days later I found out that they were still talking. She denied it but I showed her the text she forgot to delete to him and she admitted it. She moved out later that day. She was crying and saying she was confused and didn't want to throw away what we had but needed space.

She wrote me and swears that she is still in love with me and despite how it looks she did not leave me for him and that they talk but only as friends. Just weeks prior we were talking of marriage and agreeing that is what we both want. I have broken most contact with her to respect her space request. Any advice I miss her. - Gerry

Amy: Dear Gerry, I?m sorry for what you?re going through. It sounds like you?re doing the right thing right now by honoring her need for space. Even though she says she made a mistake, if she wants to get back together right away it?s likely out of fear of losing you completely. It?s clear from her actions that she does in fact need some time away from the relationship. The time apart can benefit both of you. You?re likely in shock over what has gone down so suddenly, so taking some time to process that for yourself is a good idea.

So, the first step is simple?take some time off. That means there?s essentially nothing to do right now but to take it day to day. You may still talk from time to time to begin the process of working through some of your issues, but you?re not together as a couple and you?ll probably spend much more time apart than together for a while.

When the time is right you can start to rebuild. The most important thing is that you are both honest about the relationship. For her, that means really looking at what it was about you being out of work that bothered her so much and what benefits she got from temporarily being with someone else. I don?t know your job situation, but it sounds like she thought you weren?t trying hard enough if she got to the point of giving you an ultimatum. If there?s any truth in that, be honest with yourself and with her about it.

It?s going to take some time and some work, but things can get back on track. Just don?t rush things. Take it one day at a time for a while and feel your way toward a better place together.

Source: http://hintcafe.com/askamy/struggling-to-find-work-she-moved-out

Making Up Magic M3 System Love Making Intimate Relationships

This research examined how certain features of online date-finding systems affect the types of message strategies users generate to refuse requests for romantic dates. An experiment analyzed how 190 participants rejected a date request from a member of the opposite sex. Politeness strategies varied as a function of the relationship between the requester and rejector (acquaintance vs. stranger) and the type of media (email vs. online dating messaging service). Results illuminate effects of interface characteristics and dyads’ relationship type on date refusal messages. Online daters exploited certain communication features provided by dating website messaging services which allow new ways for romantic refusals to be performed that were not previously available in face-to-face communication or earlier forms of computer-mediated communication.

Source: http://spr.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/28/4/488?rss=1

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Q: I am 22 and just got out of a horrible 4 year relationship and am trying to start over. I have been dating this 20 year old guy for about a week now, he's in the army and most of the week he's been away in the field so we haven't been able to talk. We met on an online dating site and he told me in the beginning he had a couple of other sites open but he would shut them down if I wanted. I told him I didn't want to sound controlling but he knew I wanted him to and he said he would. Well the entire time he's been away I've had this horrible gut feeling that I am not the only girl he's talking to/seeing. Could this just be my insecurity because we met online or am I just not ready for another relationship yet? Also, he is a big health nut, I guess it comes from being in the army, so he's pushing the idea of taking diet pills on me. I am not fat and I don't want to take any diet pills, but I have agreed to work out with him because I would like to get into shape, but whenever he brings up diet pills it lowers my self esteem a lot. How should I approach him about if he's seeing other girls and the diet thing without sounding like I am nagging or jealous? We've only been together about a week. Everything else about him is perfect so I would hate to already have problems. - Tana

Amy: Dear Tana, I think you need to slow down and get to know this person before you make him your boyfriend. You wonder why you?re suspicious of him talking to other girls. It?s because you don?t know him. How could you after a week? Your suspicion is not your body telling you that you aren?t ready for a relationship (although I?d investigate that, because it sounds like you want to be in a relationship with him a little too quickly), and it has nothing to do with how you met. It?s because he's virtually still a stranger at this point so of course you?re going to wonder about his character.

Speaking of character?what kind of guy tries to get a girl he just met to take diet pills, and why would you want to be with such a person? I don?t like him. I?m just sayin??

You say that everything about him is perfect, well, that?s because everyone is perfect in the first seven days. I would tell him that he can continue to do what he wants on the other sites for a while and you talk to whomever you?d like, until the two of you get to know each other much better. I think a good rule of thumb is a month. Form a friendship or have a casual dating relationship for a month and then see where you both stand. There?s a great chance that when you get to know him you?ll find that you don?t like him anyhow. And please don?t take the diet pills.

Source: http://hintcafe.com/askamy/guy-fitness-nut-wants-me-to-take-diet-pills

Working Relationship Making relationships workout Relationships Advice Ways to Get Your Ex Back

Losing the one you like does not precisely mean you lost. You lose when you give up . To win your ex-boyfriend back when he's moved on may be a challenge but all things are doable when you try. I have been in your same situation and it wasn't until I challenged myself, that I then I realized I won what I once thought I lost. It is like the chestnut you don't know unless you try, right?

1- The 1st step to getting the one you love back is somehow making him still believe he wants you. If this doesn't work there are definitely much more methods you can try from here.

2- One of the most favorable things you can try is to start a closeness with him. Become really good mates. Show him what a good buddy you may be by showing him you know how he feels, show him an exciting side of you, crack funny jokes, make him giggle, and even invite him for coffee sometime. He may begin to wonder at that point that he may desire you again.

3- When you talk to your ex-boyfriend check you're additional sweet and kind. Don't play games, trying to act hard to get. You wish to him to need you continue to. Do not make yourself fully available either, do give him space. You do want him to want you also , so let him have a chance to think about you.

4- At about that point you have shown him what a great time he can have with you, whether or not it's a closeness for the moment. You need him to know you are still available but a little keep your distance. Hang out with you pals and have a good time. This could make him wonder about you, and he may a touch start to feel envy. This good sign because he will start to truly ask him why he is feeling this way.

5- When he does ask you about your weekends and what you've been up to, be sincere and fair. Tell him you miss him, but don't make it sound like you're desperate. You need him to know you still care but also that you are still having a good time too. He'll see you are assured and realize he hasn't got you.

6- Remind him of the fun times you had together. Don't talk about anything negative or start any drama. Bring up a favorite spot you both had and enjoyed being there together. Also, bring up the 1st time you met and how you are feeling in love. This will trigger feelings, good emotions naturally.

These are just ideas that helped me get back with my ex-boyfriend after I thought I had lost him. Now we're back together and I could say we've got the best relationship and he is actually my best-friend!

Source: http://www.relationshiprepair.net/articlems/getback/tips-to-get-my-ex-boyfriend-back.html

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HollywoodLife.com invited our very own Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, give their inside take on newly single Ashley Greene's dating habits. They’ve got a split decision on her post Jonas Bro romances!
Here's a sneak peek of their article over at HollywoodLife.com;
Matt’s Take: 
We all heard the sad news that Ashley and Joe called it quits. The two began dating last summer so they didn’t even make it a year as a couple. In the last week, Ashley has been seen out and about with both Kings of Leon bassist Jared Followill and Captain America star Chris Evans. The girl is not weeping in her Cheerios over losing her very own Jonas Brother.
Tamsen’s Take:
Joe and Ashley breaking up isn’t something to chalk up to the trials and tribulations of young love. Relationships are relationships. If the two people cared about each other, then honest feelings were involved and there’s hurt. Now, on the subject of her whirlwind rebound dates, and her use of jealousy to make an ex feel bad, I can only say — not a good idea! Jealousy is not an effective tactic in my playbook.
To read the full article on Hollywood Life click here!
Hollywood Life is a multi-faceted entertainment brand. Hollywoodlife.com, the online destination, is the primary focus, complemented by a variety of premium award shows. The brand captures and celebrates the essence of celebrity "Hollywood" lifestyle – news, beauty, fashion, gossip and culture.
Bonnie Fuller leads the HollywoodLife.com team. She is President and Editor in Chief and an industry-leading media executive and magazine innovator with an unparalleled track record of success in transforming brands and publications, such as Us Weekly, Shape, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Star magazine.

Source: http://www.theloveconsultants.com/index.php/blog/article/matt_and_tamsen_chat_ashley_greenes_rebound_romance_at_hollywood_life/askmteditor

Magic of Making Up

Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in the idea that they "must find their soulmate." Where do we get this idea that we are somehow not complete unless we are connected to another person? What are you? An electrical outlet waiting for a plug, so you can finally light up the world? Frankly, when I hear the word "soulmate" I tend to give a little shudder, especially when I think about some of the people in my past that I have considered to be my soulmates.

Quite frankly, most of my soulmates were idiots! The Buddha would say that they were also my teachers -- people I have known in a previous life time who have come back in this lifetime to teach me a lesson. Boy did they, but unfortunately, it sometimes takes several soul mates to teach us just one lesson. (Hint, hint -- I think the lesson is supposed to be about "letting go" and stop trying to control, or own people -- a common problem in this society.)

Most people think that they have found their soulmate just because they feel a strong connection to a person. Unfortunately, that connection may not have anything to do with spirituality at all. It is amazing how lust can convince us that we are spiritually connected to a person. The person may just seem familiar, because they remind you of an ex boyfriend, a parent, or even someone who molested you as a child.

I also hate the way the term soulmate is often used by people as an excuse to stay in a relationship where they are clearly being abused ...half the time the abuser is using the concept of the soulmate as blackmail: "but you have to take this crap from me! You're beholden to me.

I knew you in another life!" You can tell your soulmate is an idiot, if he left you eight months ago and you feel like he is still hanging around in your aura, or even worse, visiting you in dreams, or plaguing you with unwanted thoughts like "this was really all your fault, you know." Time to evict this tenant from your cosmic field.

When it comes to soulmates, I subscribe to Oprah's theory "that everybody is your soul mate." In theory, you don't have to have sex with every soul mate you meet -- a soul mate can also be a child, a relative, a co-worker or even just a good friend.

One of the hazards of getting involved sexually and emotionally with someone who we believe was sent to us by God, or who we think was sent to us as "an angel on earth" is that we often become over attached to them and have trouble severing the connection. Notice how anyone you've gotten rid off doesn't qualify as a soulmate... but anyone who dumped you automatically ALWAYS makes the grade ... ironically, you hear most people describe the last person who dumped them as their one and only soulmate.

If they were such a great soulmate, then why didn't they stick around to build a future with you? Oh right, your soulmate was an idiot, too. It's O.K. to admit your soulmate is an idiot, by the way. It makes the angels laugh ... Forget meditation. There's nothing that dissolves bad karma faster than a bit of humour.

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Please can anyone out there tell me what my chances and how to do it to get my child back when the courts have ordered a joint residence order and I have lost the main care of my five year old son?

I am advised to undertake psychotherapy as the judge wasn't happy to order son home until my issues have been addressed despite a psychiatrists assessment stating I would be in his opinion able to do it vis a vis my son.

I am aware that when it involves children it is about their welfare and unsettlement the order was given last tuesday I am swiftly running out of time and am thinking of getting a pro bono barrister to relook at my case.

I cannot lose my son this way, I took and overdose, it was over a relationship with someone who I had been attached to for many years which I had suffered in it and been long suffering for a long while, they have said I am to not take any relationships until I complete therapy, in essence because I suffered so bad I am now being punished and taking the rap for it all. It is highly unfair and losing my son as well as the relationship they have left me with nothing.

Please help?

Michael Griswold Relationships Advice and Tips Magic of Making Up Making Up Made Easy

You want to meet a person that is on the same wavelength as you. You are romantic but you do not necessarily believe in love at first site. You understand it takes time in getting to know someone.

So you have been trying this internet dating online for quite some time. You know about the incredible benefits such as convenience, availability and a wide variety of potential partners to choose from tailored to your specifications.

Unfortunately you still have not heard from anyone. Why not? It could have a lot to do with the type of profile you have put out there. Just like the classified section of your local newspaper the whole point of writing an online personal profile is to sell yourself. You are inviting people to check out what is under the hood i.e. what you have to offer as a person and what you can bring to the relationship table.

Therefore it can be pretty disheartening when you do not find any takers from the product known as you. Indeed it appears like you cannot even get people to kick the tires. But do not beat yourself up. Many online dating participants have a tendency to start blaming themselves to the extreme when nobody answers their ad. All this does is sabotage them for any possible future contact. They try too hard when someone finally does respond; in doing so they push a would-be partner away (being aggressive in online dating is a red flag to many people). The result is it drives their already shaky confidence down a little bit further. Eventually they give up all together.

No need to go that route. Sometimes it just comes down to making some tweaks here and there. You did not necessarily do anything wrong. Nobody writes the perfect online profile but there maybe things you can do to make it more attractive:

1. Write a report. NOT!

Giving a list of facts about your life maybe truthful but it can also be frightfully dull. People reading your profile want to make a connection with you therefore write a short story about your life. Do not try to cram in every detail; just enough to entice people to want to know more. Use humor where appropriate however you are not a clown so do not try to be funny every other sentence.

Also try to strike a balance in the confidence scale. Boasting will make you sound like a potential jerk but playing it too sympathetic may come off like you are looking for a shoulder to ALWAYS cry on. That is a turnoff.

2. Exactly

Stay away from speaking in generalities when it comes to your profile. You like music. Who doesn't? What types of music? Write them down in your profile. Mention a certain artist or song. Music is a great connecting force. Be specific. People want to know or at least get a feel for the kind of person they maybe dating so let them into your world a little bit more.

3. Accentuate the Positive

Your last relationship ended so miserably even the dog left you. That is life. Things happen but there is no need to keep hammering the point. You are dating online to get a fresh start not to get counseling. Focusing on the negative will only keep people from wanting to meet you. Misery may love company but it can get old real quick. Leave whatever failed relationships you had in the past.

An online personal ad is meant to introduce you to the community and attract a partner who is on the same wavelength. That is why it is important to write an interesting profile that speaks in specifics and highlights the positive while remaining truthful. So if you have to make tweaks to your ad do it now and pretty soon you will have people standing in line who cannot wait to get to know you.

Love Making Intimate Relationships How does making love works Working Relationship

The big game is on. Yes it seems like every week is the big game but this is really the big game. 12 seconds left, ball at the 30 yard line. There's just time for one more play. The quarterback goes back to pass, he throws, a sea of hands reach for the ball. It's a CLICK!

Click? Yes that was the sound of the TV being cut off by your significant other. She has something important to tell you. You told her you would listen but that was before halftime. Now she feels the only way to make you pay attention is to be a little radical in her approach.

You snatch the remote from her but it's too late. All you hear is the announcer say, "That was the most spectacular play I have seen in all my years of broadcasting." You feel like crying and yelling at the same time. Wow, she really blew it this time. Didn't she? The short answer is no. You fumbled the snap sometime around the second quarter.

Understand her turning the TV off has nothing to do with liking or disliking football but it has everything to do with communication.
There are many reasons why fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce but the one that seems to be common on everyone's top five lists is a lack of communication. In the sports world a lack of communication between the coach and their team is a formula for a disaster, yet many couples go about using this same blueprint in their relationship.

This applies not only to what happens to be on television. For instance when it comes to certain household chores; you thought she was going to take care of x while she just assumed you were going to handle y. But neither of you communicated so the result is z as in zero got accomplished. Now the frustration starts bubbling up. A few more of these disconnects and you will have a full blown situation on your hands.

Also be careful of too much silence. A lot of couples fool themselves into believing they are so in tune with each other they can be quiet for hours at a time. They can't and believing does not make it so. You must be ready to engage in dialogue at a moments notice and plan to do a whole lot of listening. It seems like our attention spans are getting shorter by the day due to being bombarded 24/7 with information from all corners.

Well guess what? You had no problem focusing on the game for three to four hours so do yourself and your partner a favor by giving them some of your attention. Besides they will be running that same spectacular play ad nauseum on the sports highlight reels so do not sweat it.

Keep the lines of communication open and be ready to give first priority to your relationship so that the next time she has something important to tell you, it will be you who turn the TV off first.

Advice on Broken Relationships Getting Dumped Blog Breakup Letters Videos and Songs Michael Griswold Relationships Advice and Tips

Children (N = 341) and their mothers participated in interviews when children were in fourth and fifth grades. Mothers and children worked together to identify children’s friends across various contexts of their lives. Children rated the companionship of each friendship and friendships were coded as either short term or long term. Higher levels of companionship were associated with increased odds of a friendship being long term, as was a friendship being maintained within the contexts of neighborhood, family friend, relative-as-friend, and efforts of parents. A friendship being maintained in more contexts was associated with increased odds of the friendship being long term. The findings are discussed in terms of implications for the understanding and support of children’s friendships.

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